Sexual harassment is a serious issue in today’s culture. As a professional fashion fit model, my job was to be a live coat-hanger. We’re actually paid to stand still or move naturally as the designers pin and drape the latest fashions to fit our bodies. In this career, I experienced sexual harassment so often that I became attuned to the signs of a predator.  

But sexual harassment doesn’t always look the same every single time. Here are some ways that it can sneak into the workplace:

• Displaying or publicly accessing pornography or sexist cartoons in his workspace.
• If a coworker whistles at you or waggles his or her eyebrows.
• If a coworker makes lewd noises or facial expressions, or uses inappropriate hand signs or body language.
• If a coworker stares at you outside the eye contact needed for normal work. 
• Some coworkers may harass you with an obscene phone call or leave notes on your desk. 
• If your coworker gives you an inappropriate gift, such as lingerie.

Once, a boss gave me a dress. A red, slinky dress. And he asked me to go out to dinner with him. I wrote about it in my manuscript Unzipped: Chronicles of a Fashion Fit Model.

This can’t be happening, I kept thinking over and over as my head swirled with fear. All I wanted was to go home.

 

As I held the dress in my hands, the shaking stopped, and my fear left me. In its place was anger. I was so tired of taking crap from men. First my father who put me down endlessly because he didn’t like the way I looked. Then my husband, who thought that since I was his wife I had to do as I was told and devote my life to pleasing him—or get a shotgun in the back or a fist in the face. 

 

And now someone I had trusted, someone I thought respected me on a professional level—someone I was making money for, god dammit—thought all he had to do was buy me a slinky dress and I had to put it on to please him. I had no idea I had it in me, but somewhere from the depths of all that pain and fear I’d felt in the face of men who treated me like crap, came a voice like a bellows.

 

“I have your home address and your home number,” I screamed, throwing the dress in his face. “And if you don’t take me home tonight, I’ll call your wife!”

 

“Bu-bu-but what are you talking about?” he said, the dress laying at his feet like a puddle of crimson blood. “Are you crazy? All I did was buy you a nice gift, so I could take you out to dinner. Jesus Christ, what’s your problem? The only thing I’ve ever done is be nice to you!”

 

I was the crazy one. I was the one making a big deal out of nothing. I was the one who had misunderstood. No, I hadn’t misunderstood a thing. I knew that man’s look, and I knew that man’s game. And I was having no part of it.

 

“You think that’s what your wife will think when I tell her you bought me a red cocktail dress? When I tell her how you’ve been looking at me like you plan to have me for dinner?”

 

I didn’t need to say anything more. He kept his mouth shut all the way home. But I’d found my voice.

If things like this are happening in your workplace, you are NOT alone. 

Historically, companies have not done a great deal to protect their employees, although expectations and regulations are shifting to support members of the workforce. Mainly, I believe, that companies have realized what a toll sexual harassment can take on employees—and when employees are stressed and exhausted, they do not perform as well. When I worked as a model, fear and stress could make me puffy, bloated, impact my skin, or make me skittish and not relaxed for a fitting. In other industries, sexual harassment can have more negative impacts on workers, and lead to: 

• Conflict with the harasser and other employees
• Stress-related health problems like migraines or chronic pain
• Absenteeism
• Redirected or aborted career goals
• Poor performance evaluations 

If you do feel that you are being harassed, can I first say that it’s not your fault. Don’t spend time blaming yourself or worrying about any missteps that got you here. Start NOW and take the actions you need to keep yourself safe and successful in the workplace. Reach out to me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or on email and we can talk through anything you need to. Remember—I’ve been there, and I am dedicating my life to sharing my story and what I’ve learned in order to help others. 

If you feel you’re being harassed, trust your gut. Start by asserting yourself to your harasser directly. For example, you could say “Chris, I don’t like it when you put your hand on my shoulder.” Practice saying until you get it right—until you sound as strong and confident on the outside as you feel on the inside. Often when we’re nervous we tend to smile, giggle, look down, or look timid. You need to appear strong. If asserting yourself doesn’t work, make sure you follow through and go to your boss. Sexual predators and harassers must be held accountable. 

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